GRIEF/SEPARATION/DIVORCE ISSUES
1. What is it?
There are many kinds of loss that we may experience resulting in feelings of grief. People may lose loved ones such as partners, children, family members and friends through death. Even the loss of pets, job opportunities, personal functioning, or relationships through separation or divorce can result in feelings of grief. Initially a person may feel numbness, shock and disbelief. Long term, individuals grieving a loss may develop feelings of depression, guilt, a sense of responsibility, anger, hopelessness or even a belief that their life is not worth living.
2. Why might it develop?
Grief is a normal process that most people go through whilst trying to come to terms with a loss. In the case of death, even if the death is expected, there can still be disbelief that the person is actually gone. People may feel distant from others or may even feel as if they are not able to cope with the day-to-day demands of living. It is important to note that people's reaction can vary widely. Reacting seems to signal the start of the grieving process. Once the death or loss has been accepted, the person may then be able to start working through the emotions associated with the grief.
3. What is the impact on you and the people around you?
Initially you will likely experience many physical symptoms, such as sobbing, crying and weeping. Sadness that is not relieved may arise in other ways physically through a lack of concentration, poor memory, disrupted sleep, little or no appetite and drug or alcohol abuse. Grief may also have major physical consequences such as compromised immune functioning, increased hospitalization and surgeries and increased mortality rates. Psychologically, loss of a loved one (be it through death or separation or divorce or some other loss) may change a person's social support network. An individual may need to acquire new skills to move on (e.g.; becoming more financially knowledgeable to handle family monetary decisions). Those around you may be unsure how to respond to your loss. Do they talk to you about it? Pretend it hasn't happened? As a result they may avoid you so as not to worsen your grief, or so they believe.
4. Some tips on how to handle it?
Here are some suggestions on how to start coping with grief:
- Reach out to your close friends and family for support. They are probably waiting for a cue from you to know how to help. Don't be shy to tell them what sort of help you need (e.g.; physical or emotional).
- Putting down in writing how you feel about the deceased or lost loved one, can help to tie up unfinished business and develop a sense of closure to the relationship. You don't need to post it. It is a process to help you clarify your thoughts and feelings.
- Look after yourself physically. Try to get a good night's sleep, engage in gentle exercise and eat nutritiously. This will help prevent your becoming physically ill, impacting on your successful negotiation of the grieving process.
- If you feel that the pain is too great, don't despair - seek help.